Lately I have been thinking about tooling that can help people stay connected, build new communities, and nurture existing ones. I believe that most people want connection, but the cognitive load of making it happen in the modern world can be overwhelming. This isn’t a well-formed or prescriptive note. It’s just a brain dump of many thoughts I’ve had bumping around.
Observing boomers
One of the things that both frustrates but endears me to boomers is how proactive they are when it comes to their social circles. Their approach can be forward at times, but it is effective.
I don’t call people without prior written notice. Of course I mean that humorously, but a text conversation to coordinate the call is sorta like written notice, I guess. It often starts with checking if the other person is open to a call sometime this week or next week. Then we lock down the day and then the time over a few more back-and-forth exchanges. Usually the other person also puts it on their calendar and the call happens, even if they may run a little late sometimes. I’ll send a text to check that we’re still on for the call about 10 to 15 minutes before the scheduled time just to be sure. Then the call happens, and when we part ways, we say we will “talk soon”. I haven’t counted all the microsteps involved, but it often follows the same pattern each time with little variations here and there.
What I’ve noticed with boomers is that they just call you and each other. And when you call them, they pick up, no matter what they are doing. Like “hello, I’m just sorting out some insurance stuff with this guy. Got into a minor accident, what’s up?”. I often feel like saying, “you know you could’ve not picked up and called me back?”. But they don’t do that. They just pick up and they expect you to do the same. If you don’t you get a “I’ve been trying to call you, what are you doing? Are you busy?”.
As I’ve gotten older, I am realising how I actually want that sort of communication. I want my friends to be able to just call me up, spontaneously, just to catch up.
Cognitive overload
The irony of the perpetual connectivity is the layers it seems to have added to our socialising. Just setting up a call with a friend requires a lot of organisation, coordination, and life admin skills. I was listening to a friend’s podcast recently where she and her co-host discussed maintaining friendships with people who have ADHD. It both frustrated and challenged me to think a little more about it with a more objective lens instead of an emotional one. But the key takeaway for me was that most people want connection. They want to see friends and they want to belong to people in a community-belonging kind of way. You are their dear one and they are yours.
Tooling to manage connection
I think tooling can help manage the cognitive load, prompt users to check in with themselves and their emotional capacity. And automate the various steps that go into maintaining modern friendships. I envision a mobile app that will help you remember birthdays, possibly even automate birthday texts, manage birthday gift ideas and essentially be an assistant to help you become better at managing your community connections.